A chapter in my family’s lives is coming to an end. It is all happening very quickly. It has been a whirlwind of a month. Just in the last four weeks, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I hired a lawyer. We signed papers. He moved out of the house. An entirely new routine and schedule and the way we live has begun.
Despite how quickly things played out, I did not come to this decision to divorce overnight. This decision was formed from everything that happened over the last fourteen years and knowing nothing is going to change. If it hasn’t changed by this point, then it is not going to change now.
This decision that was seemingly made overnight, was triggered by the feeling of, “I am done! I can’t do this anymore.” It did feel like a switch was flipped inside of me where I just knew that this is the choice I had to make for myself. It was a feeling that I MUST do this for myself. That feeling even had a sense of urgency that it needed to be done “NOW”.
I understand when children are involved, the divorce isn’t just between two adults. Everyone’s life is changing. It is even harder for the people that do not want it to change.
What am I teaching my children, if I stay in a relationship with someone that I do not love and I am not happy?
If I stayed, I would be showing my daughter, as a female, that her feelings don’t matter. I would be showing her that her happiness is irrelevant compared to everyone else in the family. I would be showing her that she needs to suck it up, move on, and keep taking care of everyone else’s wants and needs, because what she wants does not matter.
If I stayed, I would be showing my son, as a male, that his future partner’s needs are second to his own. I would be showing him that you stay in a marriage no matter what, even if you or your partner are not happy. You can do whatever you want, and your partner is supposed to stay with you forever. I would be teaching him that what he does for a living is more important than what his partner does to support the family. I would be teaching him that his happiness comes first, and a marriage does not need to have an equal partnership.
I would be teaching both my children to stay in a situation despite their feelings. Maybe staying “no matter what”, is not the answer anymore.
Maybe it is more selfish to stay in a marriage that is broken, then be brave enough to leave. People fear what they do not know. They are afraid of being alone. People adapt to the struggle and pain of an unhappy relationship, and it becomes their normal. Somehow, the possibility of a happier future scares them more.
It does take courage to leave a relationship, especially when children are involved. We are afraid we will cause them more harm by leaving. What if we are causing them more harm by staying? If we are not being authentic, we are depriving them of the truth. We are showing them that it’s better to hide how we really feel then to live an authentic life.
Authenticity is everything. Being authentic is living in alignment with your highest self. I think true happiness lies in authenticity. Not hiding anymore and being who you were always meant to become is living an authentic life. That is what I want. I want to be in alignment with my highest self. I want to be authentic. I want my children to know that it better to live an authentic life than live a lie just to please other people.