When I was in my early thirties, I experienced what they call “The Dark Night of the Soul”. This term is most notably recognized because of a man named Joseph Campbell. He is famous for studying the myths and legends of societies across the world throughout history. Societies that never would have heard of each other had the same archetype hero in the stories they told. He noticed the pattern of the chronological steps that the hero always takes in each story, despite the character names and storyline changing. He called it “The Hero’s Journey”. Although each of our own stories may not be passed down from generation to generation as a mythical legend, we all are the heroes in our own journey.
The Dark Night of the Soul in our own life can be triggered by a life changing event or crisis. My Dark Night of the Soul was triggered by my husband taking a job where he was gone three weeks each month. This was an agreed upon decision among both of us at the time. I had been through much worse by this point in my life so I do not know why this would trigger a “Dark Night of the Soul” situation to occur. Perhaps, I was ready for an awakening, and I needed to feel the discomfort and pain that only loneliness can bring to focus on my feelings, and to start asking myself some very important questions that would push me in another direction.
I would describe this experience of the Dark Night of the Soul as feeling lost, disconnected, painful, and having the sense that you do not know who you are anymore. If I were to describe life as going down a path, I was not even on the path anymore. I wandered off into the woods along the road of life and got lost where I could not even see the path. Therefore, it felt like I was stuck neither moving forward or backward, just lost. But then something happened. A nagging voice would pop up in my head asking me every day, “What is your purpose?”. When I say nagging, I mean nagging. Like an annoying pest whispering in my ear the same question all throughout the day, every day. Since this “voice” in my mind kept asking me the same question, I started to search for answers. This is when I became a seeker. Searching for answers about life, the different possible ways the world works and what my purpose might be because I had no clue. I did not even recognize myself anymore. I was a stranger in my own body. I felt like I was no longer the same person that I knew as Kathleen. This was a very painful phase to not know who I was anymore and have no idea where I am going in life.
I began meditating which I do not recall trying before this point in my life. Meditating is difficult in the beginning. People describe it as a monkey in your mind when you are trying it out. Over time, like a muscle getting stronger, a person can learn to calm their thoughts and be an observer watching this so-called monkey until it disappears, instead of trying to control your thoughts to shew the monkey away which never works. Meditation became a daily practice for me, and I gradually became better at calming my mind to where I can get in a meditative state quickly.
During this time, I also found Oprah’s show called “Super Soul Sunday” where she interviews today’s spiritual thought leaders. I found that even though the people she interviewed had different spiritual beliefs and came from different religious backgrounds, they all shared the same foundational message that God is love and compassion for all beings. I pieced together the beliefs and words from different people that resonated with me the most, and I formed an entirely different view on how I felt the world worked. My perception of the world completely changed. I no longer viewed God as a separate entity from myself that rewarded or punished me for my behavior. Now, I believe God is the universal energy that is within us and connects everything and everyone like a web woven throughout time. This shift in my beliefs gave me so much peace of mind knowing that I have more control of my own destiny than I previously thought. Before, I thought life happened to me and I had little control over what happens. Now, I believe in the power of my thoughts and intentions that I put out into the world because that sets in motion the energy that is eventually drawn back to me like a magnet.
All pain that we experience during our life on Earth is to push us, guide us, teach us what we need to know and learn to elevate our soul to the next highest level. If you recognize that the pain and discomfort you are experiencing is perhaps your Dark Night of the Soul, please know this is a transitioning phase in your life. I feel the Dark Night of the Soul is like when the butterfly is in the cocoon. It is dark and perhaps painful for the butterfly while it is in a transitional state of no longer being a caterpillar but not yet becoming a butterfly. Is nature like a mirror always reflecting the human experience, or are all living beings on Earth experiencing the same process of growth in their own way? Either way, you are potentially turning into something beautiful because of this experience. When this phase of transition is over, you will come out of the darkness and step into the light. You will have evolved into a stronger person that is perhaps more compassionate, wiser, more empathetic, kinder to yourself, capable of loving and being loved, the list goes on with all the possibilities of what you can gain from your pain. This process can take a long time, but all things come to an end at some point.
I know it gave me great comfort knowing that the Dark Night of the Soul in a person’s life is a transitional phase. You will be a different person than who you were before once it is over. That is okay. I personally like this newer version of myself. I feel wiser, stronger and I look at the world with a different point of view that gives me peace of mind. We are our own heroes in the story that we write for ourselves no matter how long our journey is on this Earth.