We all have images in our mind of what it looks like to be brave. Military war heroes, firefighters, and policeman usually come to mind for many people when we talk about bravery. What about the everyday decisions and acts people make and the moments in our lives that show immense bravery? Many of us may not think we are brave because we feel weak, vulnerable or do not view ourselves as being a strong person. To me, being brave is making the choice and doing something despite our fears.
Some of the bravest things I have ever done did not involve saving lives or running into a burning building. I have done many adventurous things that borderline bravery or stupidity depending on your perception. I have jumped out of a plane skydiving. I went swimming with sting rays and sharks in the ocean. I have been ziplining, parasailing, bungee jumping from a bridge, rode in a hot air balloon, white water rafting, scuba diving, and repelled from cliffs next to waterfalls. I have had a lot of adrenaline rush adventures that I have checked off my bucket list, but none of them compared to my bravest acts of courage.
One of the bravest things that I ever did was to fulfill the wish of having a healthy child. I had the desire to experience being a mom of a healthy child, because it is a different world of parenting than the one I knew. I wanted to go through the same parenting phases as everyone else around me was experiencing. Since having a healthy child is not guaranteed when you are pregnant, that was the risk I was willing to take choosing to have another baby.
Anytime someone experiences a trauma and a similar situation happens again, it can trigger memories from that initial traumatic experience. For me, getting pregnant and the entire pregnancy was a smooth and easy process for all my children. It was the labor, delivery and the days following that were difficult. The days leading up to my delivery date of my second child brought up all my fears and memories from my first pregnancy that was traumatic. I did take steps to help mentally prepare myself for delivery. I started going to therapy during the weeks leading up to my scheduled delivery day. I chose to have a c-section instead of risking another difficult delivery. I even took a class that was offered to new parents hoping to put my fears at ease. One class session involved taking a tour of the same hospital where I delivered my first child. I could not even get through the door to the labor and delivery department without having a minor panic attack and crying in front of the entire group. My husband and I had to quickly leave, and we didn’t finish the tour.
The day of my c-section came. When it was time for my second child to be delivered, I laid there with intense and hopeful anticipation waiting to hear the sound that I did not get to hear with my first child after he was born. Once I heard that sound, I knew everything was going to be okay. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. He cried! I believed that if I heard my baby cry once he was born then he was going to be healthy. That is being brave. Having another pregnancy and not knowing how things will turn out, but willing to take the chance is bravery.
Another brave thing that I did was make the decision to let my son Ryland go if the time came. For his entire life, which I expected to be short, I have always signed forms anytime he would go into the hospital saying he is a “Full Code”. A “Full Code” means that all resuscitation measures will be provided to keep someone alive. I was so afraid to live a life without him that I could not bring myself to sign anything else. Now that he is an adult by age, the thought of letting him go has been more bearable. I do not know if it is because I have had years to process the notion of his death before mine, or if it was the thought of burying a young child was too much for me to handle. Either way, the day I signed a form in the hospital with a “Limited Code” was one of the bravest things I ever did in my life.
During one of his hospital stays, the nurse kept asking me to sign a form asking what measures, if any, needed to be taken in the case he needed resuscitation. I had already thought long and hard about what I felt was in the best interests for Ryland. It was just a matter of taking that step in signing the form. In this hospital stay, I knew he was getting better and would most likely go home. I knew signing this form was protocol for the hospital to have on file, and it was not an urgent decision that needed to be made. He was going to be fine. I believe at a soul level he understood what I was doing even though mentally he did not understand. I needed to sign this contract in front of him letting him know that I am okay with letting him go whenever the time comes. I remember feeling the weakness in my shaking hand as I was signing my name while I was crying. The doctor in the room kept reassuring me that he was going to be fine, he is healing, and that it was just protocol to sign this form. I knew all of that to be true. What the doctor did not know is why I was so upset in that moment. What I was really doing by signing that piece of paper for the first time was letting Ryland know that I will no longer prevent him from leaving this earth because I selfishly want him to stay. That was one of my bravest moments in my life. Which was coming to the decision to let someone I love go if they are ready to leave when the time comes.
We make decisions every day that are brave, despite feeling weak and powerless. Starting a new relationship after being betrayed and heartbroken is brave. Getting married and making a commitment to love and honor someone the rest of your life is brave. Starting over is brave. Getting out of bed every day despite your despair after someone you deeply loved is now gone is brave. Choosing to live another day and keep going when all you want to do is escape it all is brave. We are all brave every single day because living a life on earth is challenging and difficult at many times throughout our lives. We do not give ourselves the credit we deserve in recognizing the amazing feats of bravery that we all show every day of our lives.