My divorce was final in the beginning of December 2024. Thirteen years married and fourteen years together as a couple. I have had five+ months to process the finality of my marriage.
I know everyone’s journey is very different from one person to the next, even within the same couple. One person tends to be the initiator of the divorce while the other one is seemingly caught off guard.
Since I was the initiator, the beginning of the divorce process was not a shock to my system. It took me a few months to even shed one tear over the divorce after it was final. I was not sad in the beginning stages. I felt relief that I was brave enough to do what I believed was the right thing for myself.
I wondered why I wasn’t sad. Divorce is supposed to be devastating and I questioned what was wrong with me since I wasn’t sad. Where are the tears?
About three months after the divorce, I had a health issue. I was in so much physical pain that I had lay in bed for extended periods at a time. I was forced to slow down and be in the present moment. Only then, the tears began to fall. I remember saying to myself, “There you are. I was wondering when you were going to come out.”
Then I did something different. I told myself to be an observer of the pain. As though I was a fly on the wall inside my body, watching the pain pass through. Even though that did not take away the intensity of pain that I felt, it did take away it’s power. It didn’t feel as overwhelming or consuming.
I spoke to the pain as though it was a mentor teaching a lesson that needed to be learned. I showed myself grace and let myself cry until there were no more tears to be shed. I was an observer of the pain, watching how it was moving throughout my body. Feeling the pain as it spread. The heartache in my chest. The tensity in my muscles. The feeling of deep sadness.
I asked questions. Why am I crying now? What exactly is making me sad? What are you trying to show me? What is this pain teaching me? What is needing to be released? Did I do the right thing by getting a divorce?
By asking the questions, I got answers. As though the pain was responding back to each question in my mind, I received clarity. I watched the memories coming to the surface. I observed the fears that were buried underneath. I became aware of what wanted to be released. By doing this, I felt the pain pass through my body fairly quickly. It left almost as fast as it came, leaving behind clarity on what I need to heal.
Pain needs to be felt so that it can be released. We are not meant to hold onto the pain forever and leave it buried and suppressed. Pain can feel like a tough teacher, but it is a guide helping you to evolve and grow. We are not meant to stay in a state of suffering. When we can release our pain, the energy of pain is transmuted into another form, like wisdom, clarity, and peace.